Love God...Do what you want

This post has been difficult for me. I have chosen to not go to France at this time. There are multiple factors that played into this decision. One question that I was asked and I had to wrestle with before considering not going to France was "did I hear God wrong" or "Is God changing His plan". In praying and fasting through this I think the answer to both of these questions is simply no. I think I could remain faithful to God and go to France for language school in preparation for Haiti. But I also have peace that I can remain faithful to God and slowly move directly to Haiti to see where the next step is over the next year. I remember a podcast I listened to by Levi Lusko (great podcast if you are looking for a sermon podcast to listen to) in which he was speaking to God's plan for our lives. It was YEARS ago that I listened to it, so what I remember could be very different than what he actually said. It was something to the like of "love God and do what you want". His point was that we don't have to find the one thing God has called us to do and if we somehow miss it our lives are trash or spent trying to get back to His path. Rather we prayerfully seek the Lord, read and obey His Word, and then act in accordance to His word.

Why Haiti First

Learn the ministry expectations
The plan (at this time) is to spend 5-6 months in 6-10 week intervals in Haiti during 2018. During my time in Haiti I will be working with the PT/OT school in Leogane that I taught at in May to see if it is a good fit for a more longterm position that I could do while also working in a clinical setting. Janet (the current dean of the school) has agreed to allow me to spend 3-4 hours/day learning language and will also allow me to do some of the translation of PowerPoints as I become more comfortable with the language. I am hoping that during weekends I will have time to travel and spend the time more immersed in Haitian culture to learn Kreyol, the culture and build relationships. This is likely a bad idea as I will be learning two, similar but also different, languages at the same time. But being able to communicate with the people as well as speak French at the school are both important. The rest of my time will be spent in a more administrative role, helping to organize and streamline some documents and processes to allow for consistency for the students, staff, and professors in the coming years. This role will be quite fluid as Janet currently does everything and we will be working together to delineate the role of "dean" verse the role of "PT/OT program coordinator". I think having 5-6 months in country with Janet will be very helpful in the process and understanding what will be needed and determining if I need further training or language school before moving full time. The (tentative) plan is to go February 15-March 30 the first time and then Middle of May to end of June and then plan to go again for all of September until the first week of November.

Raising support
I say plan because I may attend language school or a discipleship school starting in August if the Lord leads in that way. In taking this "intermediate year" I feel the Lord asking me to just slow down and take a more relational approach to life. I am a productive introvert and I thrive in being too busy. I enjoy "fixing" things and doing my work well. This is not wrong, but I allow it to become more important than relationships with others because it is easier and less stressful for me than creating relationships. That is not that I don't care about people, it is that I need to learn and practice how to do that better. Over the last year that was one of my goals, but I allowed myself to become overly busy again and my main place for spiritual relationships, my community group, dissolved to join/start other groups. This was really hard for me and the first thing that made me question if I was ready to leave into the mission field long term. I realized in loosing that, that I lacked deep relationships with others in my church body. I say this because over the next year I feel the Lord is challenging me to create a support network, and I am asking the Church to be active in this. I know that a missionary asking for support scares many away because you feel like you will be guilted into giving Financially. At this time I am able to be self supported as I will be working part time when I am back home. Each trip will cost 2,000-3,000 dollars, but I had been saving up to be able to attend language school self supported which was suppose to be 15,000-20,000 for the year. Over the next year my hope is to build relationships with organizations/ministries in the area that are also involved in Haiti or rehabilitation in a developing country as well as build individual relationships with others that have a heart to reach the nations for Jesus by supporting me spiritually and emotionally.

Family 
There have been multiple family trials during the course of 2017. Some are not my drama to share, but one that I can share is that my nephew was diagnosed with leukemia. I had planned on taking October 28th to fast, pray, and make a final decision about going to France or not. That morning my brother texted us that his 2-year-old had been diagnosed with cancer. I think at that time it was just confirmation (along with multiple conversations I had in the previous week with others in regards to my decision) that being able to be around and spend more time there (Oklahoma) with my brother and family as well as my family that lives here in Arkansas was also an important ministry of this interim year.

The biggest confirmation for me in all of this is the peace I have with this decision when in conversation with Jesus. There is some sadness.  I am sad that I will not get to attend language school with the two families that had been quite helpful in this journey over the last year. I am so thankful for them and am sad that I will not have the time to spend with them there during the year and learning from them. I know that God has big things for them and I am so excited to see how he uses all 11 of them to be kingdom changers in their area of influence.
Mainly I am excited... a part of my heart and soul lives in Haiti. I have longed to be there for years now and the unexpected change of getting to be there sooner just has me excited. I have so many expectations for this year and yet have no idea what to expect. My belief that the Lord has called me to Haiti first and foremost to show me His love for me is still true. I am always amazed how the Lord blesses me through His relationship with others and vice versa but always seems to make the personal relationship with each of his disciples the focus point of all He does. The beautiful truth in this is that no matter where I go or where you go this will always be his number one mission in our life. I just pray and hope that others will see how much he loves each person through my words and actions where ever I am and that this leads to their own life change and eternity with the Lord.

Prayer Request

• Relationships: I am praying that in the coming year the Lord blesses me richly in relationships with Haitians and Americans in Haiti and America. 
• Language: That the Lord would give me the gift of tongues or at least an ability beyond understanding to learn and apply to conversations. 
• Nephew: The last 3 weeks have been difficult for my nephew and all the family. Prayers for some healthy, happy, and fun days ahead in the midst of what seems to be a hopeless situation. 
• Direction:  That I will be constantly listening for the small voice of the lord and adjusting course accordingly but that I will rest and be content in the stillness when there is no obvious direction.
• Family: There have been many trials and life changes for immediate and extended family. Prayers that everyone would cling to the truth of the Lord and that He would give peace past understanding.