Missions: Uganda.... Why Me?

I have not taken the time to write out what we have been up to for the last week basically. I will probably do a short synopsis when I get home so I can add pictures with it, but basically we have been hanging out and loving on a bunch of kids and getting to know the missionary families and the vision that they have for GSF. But tonight, Christmas night, I have some different thoughts in my head. Some things that have been on my heart and in my prayers. 

I know we have all said it at some time or another.... Why Me? Why did I have to fail the test? Why did my car break down? Why did my phone drop in water or screen break? Why are my parents so strict? Why....? Typically we ask this question not really looking for the answer, but rather to give ourselves pity. About two weeks before leaving for Uganda I started asking this question a lot, but truly searching for an answer from God. It wasn't because of a series of "bad luck", but rather wondering why I got a plate full of blessings while others get so little. Some get very little when it comes to material possessions, others get very little when it comes to spiritual direction, others get very little in the quality of family they are raised in, and others get little in many other areas such as education, skills, or physical abilities. And so while being here I have been asking and searching for the answer of Why Me? Why did I get blessed with a family unit that not only loves each other and me, but also love God? Why did I get parents that work hard and have always been able to provide for our needs and many of our wants? Why was I born and raised in the United States where purely because of my birth place I am guaranteed a good education, clean water, electricity, quality healthcare, and the ability to go to any country? Why was I placed in two churches that have significantly improved the understanding I have of Christ as I have matured in my walk so that I have a personal relationship with Christ? There are so many other questions like these that are running through my brain right now and over the last few weeks. 

I still do not have all the answers but I feel like God is telling me to continue to search for an answer to these questions. That by answering these questions he will make known His plans for these blessings. There is a reason for each one, and there is also a reason for each person that was not given such simple circumstances. He reminds me that to whom much is given much is expected. Each of us have been given separate gifts we are to use for Kingdom glory, but we also have ach been given eternal life and for that a sacrifice of the lives we desire to live is expected. So right now I am pushing on in my fight to give up the desires of my flesh that will please me now in order to achieve the desires of the spirit of God within me that will please me for eternity. And so I will fight on and 

Live Foolishly

Rachel 

Missions: Uganda,,,, Prayer is AWESOME!!!

Wednesday Dec 18:

This morning after getting a late start because they have missionary devotionals in the evening we headed out on a prayer walk through the local village, Bounda, with our tour guide Eric. Our first stop was actually Eric's house that he just finished. It was a little mud hut, but you could tell he was very proud of it. He is a very bright young guy that works for GSF and is sponsored in school by them. He has dreams of becoming an engineer and is currently the equivalent of a tenth grader, (S4), and is in pre-calculus and physics. We then moved onto his aunts house a met and prayed for his aunts and his nephew that has an umbilical hernia. Here in Africa these hernias are quite common because when children are born they stuff the umbilical cord with dung. While there we saw some kids playing on some very inventive "playground" equipment. The lady we met after this was one of my favorites, she was a Jaja (grandmother) who when we asked if we could pray for her literally THREW her machete and hoe to the ground and got in the middle of us and asked us to pray for healing. It was so cool to see her faith that prayer was going to be the way she was healed. 

One of the most rewarding and interesting individuals we talked to was Nathan who when we first talked to him he said that he wanted to be saved and then expressed that he was not saved because of his work and his children. We spent some time trying to explain the concept of grace and that what he does is not what makes him a believer, but the explanation got lost in transition. So we prayed for him and that someone would come along side him that understands and can explain it in his own language. Next we came along to Samuel, one of the men that works at GSF. He was sick and laying on a mat outside his home. The team prayed for him but I got caught up playing with his 12 children. His oldest was claudia, probably about 13-years-old, and was so precious. She was cooking for her family and watching her brothers. After she and I talked for a bit I walked over to where they were praying and the children followed until there were 12 of them sitting on a rock. It was so cute! As we walked to the new church we picked up more children and two of them followed me everywhere. There names were Iesha and Niema, they were walking to the watering hole to get water in their jerry cans, but made many detours to follow me along the way. We took many pictures and talked a little bit. They were in P2 and P4 (2nd and 4th grade), but they did not know how old they were, I would guess 6 and 9ish. We got to the church along with about 8-10 visiting children that had followed along the way and prayed over the church and the people of the village as all the children either played out side or sat quietly inside. After praying we took some pictures and showed the giggling children their pictures and walked on to the watering hole with many of the children in toe. The hill to the watering hole was steep and slick, but the children basically took it in one leap while all of us buzugo were very slow. When we got there we saw Iesha fill up their jerry can and women and children washing clothes. We gathered everyone up, held hands, and prayed for all of them. I don't think the women really understood us, but they had big smiles on their face. Finally we walked back to GSF and prayed for the missionaries, the ministry, the "mommies" or the children that live here and the children themselves. It reminded me again just how precious it is that I do not have to go to a building or a person to be heard by my God, that I can walk around a village in Africa or say a prayer in an airport in Ft. Lauderdale and he hears me all the same, because my God is bigger than it ALL!!!

After lunch we headed down with Carolina, one of the missionary kids to paint the nails of the girls still at GSF. They picked some pretty crazy colors and we had fun laughing with them as we painted nails and then played the land version of Marco Polo. As we headed to the missionary Bible Study that night we picked up a bag of peanut and peanut butter M&Ms to bring because on Sunday there had been a secret santa played and we brought peanut butter M&Ms and peppermint hand soap. By the way it went around you would have thought it was a pot of gold, so we decided we should share the M&Ms we brought for the kids with the staff since the children would not have a preference between smarties and chocolate. John talked about the story of washing feet from the bible and how the definition of Love changed when Jesus came to serve those that were his disciples. We then headed to eat dinner and off to bed. 

As always,

Live Foolishly

Missions: Uganda... GSF routine?

Monday Dec 16:

Every morning the missionaries gather to do a devo and prayer time on the porch of the highest house at the mission. It is just really a cool thought that every morning they come together for 10-15 to just stop and listen to God and each other and to share the prayers and praise of what has been going on. After devos 14 long term, mid term, and short term missionaries loaded up a bus with the 12 special needs children on campus and headed out to kingfisher resort with a clean pool and play ground. Every single one of the kids got in the water (3 of them had always refused) and they all smiled and laugh the entire time. They were telling us just how special it was to see all the kids break out of their shell with special one on one attention. It does not happen often with any of the children, but especially the special needs children are often grouped all together or with 2-3 kids. We also got to go with a national that was a trained occupational therapist and it was awesome to see how great he was with all the children. Any child that refused to get in the water he pulled in and by the time he passed them off or set them down they were laughing and giggling and just squealing. It really was such an exciting thing to see. After we got all the kids out and a little dried off we had a meal of chicken and chips (fries) or fish and chips. Having meat was quite a treat not only for the kids but also for many of the missionaries. I wish you all could have witnessed this. The kids eating and stealing food from each other and thinking everything was just sooo funny, it just made everyone smile. Finally we got them to the play ground and got them all on the teeter totter for the first time for many of them. Some of them LOVED it, others did not know what to think about it and a couple just HATED it. But all of them were fun to watch. Again Joseph was there helping them all try it out. 

After we got back we occupied ourselves in a house with about 14 toddlers 2-4 years old until it was time for dinner. We made pasta and veggies for us and Julie, Stephan, Sabrina, and Emily (another special needs teacher that was with us for the day). Sarah and I also made American boxed cake and American canned frosting for dessert and the above mentioned people were BEYOND excited. It was fun and a joy to just give them a little taste of America that we don't even consider to be a treat. 

Ok so now I have to talk a little more about Julie because well she was awesome and one of those people I just knew God sent me here to meet and to encourage me even though I doubt she realized she was such an encouragement. First of all to anyone who thinks missionaries are sheltered and boring people come live in Uganda or just about any other area where there are missionaries. I have learned you can not take life too seriously, and they love to laugh. Julie is no exception, she is likely one of the top 10 funniest and yet encouraging people out there. As I mentioned she is a 5th generation missionary with African Inland Mission and went to school in the states to be a special needs teacher and lived there for a total of 10 years, but you would think she just moved to Africa with her humor and english. When you see her interact with the natives however you know this is her home. This is the place and the people God has called her to serve, bless, and be blessed by. Her love and no nonsense for the kids and her desire to see them suceed reminded me so much of my mother. You could just tell that this was not her job, this was her calling, this is the "desires of her heart" that God has given her. That was such an encouragement. Her ministry is a traveling ministry and she has 1-3 short term missionaries that has training to work with children with special needs with her at any time. She travels around and stays where ever there is room. That may be in a school, church, house, or her tent right outside the police station. For about the last 8 months I have not been able to get TIMO, a 2 year program where you are working with a people group while also getting training off of my heart and mind or out of my prayers. Well long story short as she was leaving she said she had been thinking about and praying about doing a TIMO team for special needs population, but didnt know because she would be in charge of leading it. Selfishly I hope she does and that I can go, but honestly I pray that got would just give us each direction in when/if we should participate with the ministry. 

Tuesday Dec 17:

This morning we woke up and after distributing all the goodies we brought we gathered the special needs children to do some finger painting with them. We met a couple more kids that had been gone when we went to king fisher and it was fun to get to hang around them and do something so silly and fun. Julie used it as an opportunity to learn for many of them, while others just made some very interesting abstracts. When that was done we busted out the chalk and did some beautiful sidewalk art. After the finger painting the rest of the kids and MK's came out to join us so we taught them how to play hop-scotch and learned how to play some other games. It was a morning full of laughing and games and we had tons of fun. 

After lunch we gathered up all of the MK's and made journals with some composition books and scrap book paper I had brought. It was really a blessing to just hang out with these kids who by defalt have given their lives to serve the people of Uganda. By the way they act you would never think it was forced on them, but it is not something they got to make the decision to do.  

special needs kids finger painting and chalk

For dinner tonight we went to Claudia's house, which is the missionary my church supports, with her and her family of 7 children: Maggie, Hope, Emma, Anna, Mimi, Bobby, and Alex. As an appetizer she provided us with fried grasshoppers. I know... it sounds disgusting... and yes I did eat one. Honestly I really did not think it was a big deal, it is just a little insect, so I ate it and unexpectantly I gagged because I got a little leg stuck in the wrong spot. I played it off like nothing happen, drank a bunch of water and enjoyed the rest of the meal which was delicious. (BTW the grass hopper really just tasted like a greasy french fry... think Burger King). 

Missions: Uganda- Jet lag fight

Saturday Dec 14: 

We touched down in Uganda today! Oh seeing the land and knowing we were done traveling was awesome, but the excitement to hug some kids was even better. We got our visas and got waved through customs so cut off 30-45 minutes of extra time on that end. We walked out and the first and only "mzungu" (white person) we saw were Sharon, Tom, and Gracie our ride back to Good Shepard Fold (GSF). We loaded everything in the car and headed off. We made a quick stop to get some food and a little orientation to Ugandan culture and GSF, before we left Sharon and Gracie to pick up Gracie's mom the next day and headed on to GSF. We then made our little 3 hour trek in Ugandan traffic back and were met at the gate by 50 kids, staff, and missionaries singing us a welcome song. We got out and greeted everyone and decided to walk up to the guest house since we were so tired of sitting and all the little kids were hanging all over us hugging, squealing, and jumping. It was quite a welcome, and much appreciated after the 36 hours of quite sitting. We settled in and headed down to eat with the second missionary family we met, the Gwetney's. We ate peanut butter chicken that one of the house Aunties had prepared for us with chapatis and rice and a really good black bean and corn salsa. GSF is one of the only places in Uganda where you can get a HOT shower and drinkable water right out of the tap. Neither of which is a necessity, but both are nice. As we headed off to bed they warned us about an animal called the hyrex saying "if you feel like you hear a women screaming in the background, don't worry it is just our friend the hyrex." In my video I will put the sound it makes and you can decide if it sounds like a women, but I am glad they told me, because it really would have freaked me out when I woke up that night. 

Sunday Dec 15: 

We got to go to church this morning in the village with all the GSF kids and missionaries. The guy that spoke was Jonathan, the young guy in the photo below and the other guy is David, one of the elders. The pastor of the church left a couple weeks ago unexpectantly and they do not know if or when he will be returning. The really cool thing about David is that when he was a child he had polio (they think) and is very weak in the lower extremities. In typical Ugandan culture and churches he would be outcasted and not allowed to enter the church because of this "uncleanliness" but this village church does allow the individuals with disabilities to not only attend but serve on the elders if appropriate. 

After church we got a little time to talk to one of the interns (Steven) and make some guacamole for the Global Outreach missionary party which we attended that afternoon. The party was for all the missionaries currently serving with Global Outreach all over Uganda, and it was a really cool time to see what all was going on in Uganda and what each of the ministries does. One of the missionaries there was Julie (who you will hear a lot more about in the future) and she is a special needs teacher and a 5th generation missionary. She is actually with African Inland Mission (AIM), which is one of the organization I have been very interested in serving with, so it was really cool to hang out with her and Sabrina (a short term occupational therapist that is traveling with her). She told me that her typical accommodations was a tent that she pitched where ever she was and I responded with "I want to go with you." She laughed. I was being serious. That night was pretty quite, we went on a tour and hung out with the team coordinator (Sharon) and her husband Tom as well as Gracie (another intern) and her mother that arrived today.  They shared what they do at GSF as well as some of their dreams for the organization and children here and some of the initiatives they are starting/hoping to start. Then we were off to bed as jet lag set in. 

Live Foolishly 

Missions: Uganda. Take off?

Thursday Dec 12: 

The first day of travel- Ready. Set. Go! That is the text I got from my father this morning as he was waiting for his flight and I was headed to my last final. In a true procrastinators fashion I waited until Wednesday at 6pm to begin packing. I planned on going to church that night, but still had to pack my clothes as well as run to walmart to get all of the supplies for the activities with the kids in Uganda. I had told my friend Sarah I would see her at church that night but got a little too far behind, well she agreed to go to Walmart with me after sevice and our friend Julie came as well. In the walmart parking lot that night they prayed for my travels and the trip. It was a great time with some friends who are always there with me and for me! Well thursday i finished packing around 12:15 just in time for Sarah to take me to the airport at 12:30 for my departure at 2:40. At the ticket counter I got to talk to the guy weighing my bags about "why in the world would I ever want to go to Uganda?" I told him why, he gave me that slightly awkward look and said that he hoped it wasn't a bad trip. Haha I'll just call that one a seed planted. 

I got to my gate at 1:15 expecting to wait about an hour to board. I was so excited. Here it goes, I am really going to Africa! Well the plane came in late, but it's fine I have a 5 hour layover in New York... no rush. We boarded our 2:40 plane at 3:20 and at 3:35 a maintance person boarded the plane.... this is never good... The announcment: "ladies and gentelmen this plane is permently out of service. We will be deboarding this plane and are currently working on finding another plane. Take all of your belongings because you will NOT be getting back on this plane." Commence freakout! Well my version of freakout... I texted my dad "plane jsut got cancelled. I don't know what to do" He called me and there really was nothing we could do about it... I told him I would let him know once I did, in the meantime just pray. I also posted a similar message on FB and began my fervent prayers. Again Sarah to the rescue (thats three times in the last 24 hours if anyone lost count), she just stayed positive when I was doubting. I was questioning if I had heard God correctly. If I was really suppose to go. I mean they had 30 minutes to get a plane there or I was going to likely miss my connection to Italy, and since it was not the same itinerary there is nothing the airlines could do about it. 

As I was getting off the plane one of the passengers that had come in on the previous flight said to the flight attendednt " I was just on this plane and it was fine what changed so dramatically in the last 30 minutes?" The flight attendent said "It was fine for you all, but not for these guys" as she was pointing to the pilots. When we got off me and the 2-3 people in front of and behind me heard the maintence people saying "this plane will never fly again". Ok so the only hope is a plane comes in... and quick. When we deplaned they told us they found a plane and would be leaving around 6. This was about 30 minutes later than I could really afford with the process in NY. Well prayers continued and I was just asking God what he was doing. Why would he put everything together until this point and then this. I love the peace of God, I don't know how, but I knew I was going to make it. I knew he was working, he heard my prayers and the prayers of those I had told. About 30 min later they made an announcement that this plane (that was never going to fly again) had been fixed and we were going to reboard in the next 30 min. The couple that heard the maintance people say it was never going to fly again was like "I am not getting back on a plane that is never going to fly agian" I on the other hand was thinking "yep my God is an airplane engineer as well. Prayer ANSWERED!" Well obviously we made it, I got about 30 minutes to just sit down at JFK and then we were off to Italy. 

We learn so much in our crisis situations. Once they made the announcement and I heard the jabber about the planes flying capabilities I prayed immediately, but it was never to fix that plane but rather to find another plane in time. It is not a bad prayer, but I learned that on this trip I need to be asking God to do things that humans say can't happen so that everyone can see God at work through it. God reminded me of the Power and necessity of prayer in preparation, during, and after our trip. Finally i saw how he was answering a prayer request I had for the last year or so. I am sure I will get into this more this trip, but I am so blessed by things in this world. I have never lived in need and so I feel like I have often not had to DEPEND on God for anything. I know being homeless, without food, healthcare, and having to look to God to provide basic needs is unlikely for me because of where I was born and the education and opportunities I was given. But I began to pray that God would teach me what dependence on him looks like in my life. I think this was just one of the instances where I got to see that prayer answered. 

Friday Dec 13: 

The second day of travel: We made it to Italy at 11:00 am local time and our next flight was at 9:00pm. So we went exploring. We took a train to Milano, saw an INTENSE cathedral, a castle, got some italian pizza, and gelato (which was the only slightly disappointing part. It was a great time to get to know Sarah and John, the other two people on our trip (also a father daughter pair) and to just take a break from the traveling. I am happy to report that all travel was uneventful for the rest of the trip. 

Traveling is very tiring and with so much excitement I just wanted it to end. But I am thankful for it when I step back. I really did not have the time to spend the time I would have liked to in the Word these last couple of weeks to prepare for the trip, and I got the time to pray and just prepare spiritually, mentally, and emotionally for the trip after finishing finals week on thursday. We also got the time to just share stories and a little bit of our lives with the others going with us so we will be better acquainted with each other for the week and there will not be that aspect of getting situated when we get there. 

Well all I have to say for now is that God is good, that God is peace, and that God is LIVING! And I am excited to serve as an expression of his love for all in these next couple weeks. Love you all and please keep my team, those we got to hang out with this week, and myself in your prayers. Love you all!

Live Foolishly. 

Missions: Uganda... T-1 week until landing

I will be in Uganda in one week! It still is so surreal that I am actually going. To be honest I feel like I am going to another world, but I know that when I get there God will show me how the people and children of Uganda are made in the likeness of him just as I am... but for now it is another World, another people. 

I went home for a week at thanksgiving and had a wonderful time with family and a few friends. It was great to step back from the craziness of school and to rebalance my priorities. Coming back in the last week we have 3 finals and a project. I know that seems like a lot, and I feel a little overwhelmed with everything I have to do before leaving on the trip, but looking at it I realized how much worse it could have been. We took 3 finals before leaving for thanksgiving break that could have been scheduled for this week as well. With that being said I also have to get my immunizations, buy luggage, and come up with and buy materials for activities with the kids. It is overwhelming, but God has quietly reminded me on a daily basis that this is not my plan or my idea, this is a desire HE put in my heart and that HE loves giving me the desires of my heart as I trust in HIM. Watching this semester as he laid everything out for this trip I have so much confidence in what he is doing, but as the to-do list piles up and does not get checked off like I plan it is so easy to quickly forget. But I know these are the steps he has asked my to take so as I finish this last week I work hard, press on, and rely on HIM to do more with one life, with my life then I could ever dream possible!

Do not fret because of those who are evil

or be envious of those who do wrong;

for like the grass they will soon wither,

like green plants they will soon die away.

Trust in the Lord and do good;

dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

Take delight in the Lord,

and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the Lord;

trust in him and he will do this:

He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn,

your vindication like the noonday sun.

Psalm 37:1-6

Missions: Uganda... Flights Booked

We bought our plane tickets this week! After about a month of talking to John and his daughter Sarah we officially bought our 54 hours of travel from John F. Kennedy airport (New York) to Uganda and back... including a 9 hour layover in Italy.  

Ok I got a little excited; let me explain some of the stuff that has happened since I updated you last. So on September 30 I wrote about how I was wrestling about going to Uganda this year because it looked like I would be going by myself. I had conversations with my mother who definitely did not want me to go alone, some very good and wise friends, and did a ton of seeking the Lord. Anytime I was in the Word or listening to a sermon I felt the Lord nudging me to go, but just could not get peace about going alone. To be honest I was likely going to go alone, but I knew there were many people who did not like that especially my mother. Well one night I was talking to my mom about it, and I told her that I thought God still wanted me to go, she did not think it was wise so I told her that she should pray that either someone would go with me or I would have a sign that I was not suppose to go this year. Well on October 2 I got an email from John asking about flights/information for the group trip to Uganda. I emailed back saying well it is just me and I have not bought tickets for it, I was waiting for confirmation from God that I was suppose to go this year. From that point on I knew I was suppose to go and they were still praying about it (well John was, I am pretty sure Sarah was all in for going). Last Wednesday we talked about flights and were ready to book them when my mom text me saying “don’t book your ticket” Me: “Why” Mom: “Either dad or I are going to go” Me: “OK” thinking “really, you decided to tell me this now”. So my dad did his paperwork and turned it in we finalized the dates and today we booked our tickets. We will be leaving the day I finish my semester and return Monday December 30. There will be four of us traveling together: John and his daughter Sarah and my Dad and I.

Missions... Uganda?

So about two months ago I wrote a post on here about how excited I was about going to Uganda, and I still am. This past week I got notification that all of the other individual/couples that were planning on coming had backed out for one reason or another, so the group of 6 is now down to one (maybe two if my friend can come). I know I talk a big game most of the time, and I say I don't mind going by myself... but I am so much about peace, and I do not have that about going on this trip alone. There are two contradicting thought processes going through my head: "put faith and action behind your words" and "foolishness is not always obedience". The thing is I feel like either of these thought processes could be from God, but they could also each be from Satan.

Put Faith and Action Behind Your Words
Almost a year ago I wrote a post titled  "Safe and Secure" which if you don't want to read it is about my desire to depend on Christ as my protector and provider. Well now that I am in this trip alone, and I needed to put off buying the ticket for a time of prayer to determine if this is the correct decision the cost has increased about $1000. The secure aspect of it seems silly to me even though as I write this I believe the lies that some man can cause me harm without the Lord's approval. I am not saying that nothing bad will happen because I am a daughter of the King, but I am saying that anything that does happen in the future is not for me to be anxious about, but for me to trust that through God he will make good from all circumstances. My God is a big God, he WILL protect me and he CAN keep me safe, but protection and safety are not the same thing. So now I look at the possibility of going to Uganda this year by myself as an opportunity to prove to myself that I have faith that God is truly my protector and provider.

Foolishness is Not Always Obedience
My life motto and the title of this blog comes from the idea that God did not call me to live in a way that makes sense to myself or those around me, but to live in a way that undoubtedly shouts the power of my God who can do so much more than I can alone... Live Foolishly. But when the choices we make are not prayerfully and wisely considered the decisions can quickly turn into truly foolish choices. It's no secret that I don't want to live a simple life. I don't want the American dream. I don't dream about my husband, my house, my job, or the "toys" I could have. I dream about an orphanage, a village where I am a foreigner, feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, and giving a home to the orphan. I do not say that to "toot my own horn", it has taken a long time for God to change my heart, but now sometimes I try to dive into these plans without stopping to seek the Lords plan. Instead I see opportunities that are righteous and determine that it is from God because it would lead me towards the plans God has given me. So now with so many things going "wrong" I have to prayerfully determine if these changes in the plan are for God to use it as proof of my faith, or if it is a time for God to remind me that even in opportunities that are to serve others, that if he does not send me the work will not be blessed in the way He wishes to bless His plans for me.

Please Help
So now I have been trying to determine what God's plan for all of this is. Is he asking me to wait it out a little longer, is he asking me to go with full faith that he will protect and provide in my vulnerability, or is he asking me to do something different during that time that I am still unaware of? I don't know, but I know His peace when I have made a decision that aligns with his plan and I also know the restlessness I have without that peace. So I ask you all for prayer and if you feel led to provide counsel that is greatly appreciated.

Thank you all for your love and support and always
LIVE FOOLISHLY

Missions: Uganda... Yep I am going

I'm going to Uganda! I'm going to Uganda! (Now go back and read that with the tune you used to tease your siblings when you were younger.) I have wanted to go to Africa since I was in middle school, don't know exactly why I wanted to go there of all places. I guess it is because I knew there were tons of people, especially kids, living in conditions that I had grown up learning were undesirable.  I wanted to go and make their lives better, and I still do, but now my idea of "better" has changed. Yes I do want to go care for the orphan and feed the poor, I want to find a way to educate them all so they can improve their condition, but more than anything I want to be a glimpse of Jesus to them. I want to leave some of the love he has shown and given me with them and I want them to know there is an unlimited supply when they confess and believe that Jesus Christ is exactly who he said he is. When they believe that he came to seek and to save that which is lost, that he came to bind up the broken hearted, that he came to dirty and untouchables, that he came to eat with sinners, that he came to be love, that he came to fulfill the scriptures and to bridge God's ability to be just and holy and well as loving and merciful.

So now this December I will leave for Uganda, Africa for 16 days to play with kids on Christmas break, hang out and disciple some of the University students, and serve the ministry and missionaries in any way I can. People keep asking me why I am going on these mission trips alone... and well I guess the main reason for this one is because no one else could/wanted to go, but I also believe that God wants me to be undistracted in experiencing Him and what he is teaching me. I have always had a heart for missions and going to Haiti just confirmed that, there was something about worshiping with them that made everything right. It stripped away the chasm of poverty and wealth of black and white of young and old and just put us all there to focus on the same God, the same goal.... Kingdom work.

So now I get to experience God in another nation, another context, I know that I don't need to go to Africa to care for the orphan, to feed the poor, or to proclaim the Gospel. I do (or try) that everyday here. Just yesterday I went to one of the government projects here in South Florida to hang out and share the Bible with a bunch of the kids. It absolutely broke my heart to listen to some of the 8-10 year old conversations, it does not take long to realize that there are tons of people right here that need Jesus to go to them. But this December I will be following the Lord to Uganda to do what he has called me to do there, but to also develop my relationship with my Savior... and I AM EXCITED!

Last November I had this conviction about talking so much about wanting to do missions, but never taking the step of actually going. I started looking into mission trips and contacted three different organizations, one in Haiti, one in Uganda, and one in Ecuador. I only heard back from the one in Haiti, and that is where I had wanted to go after the Earthquake in 2010 but was unable, so I committed to go during my spring break. That decision was made in January and I heard back from GSF orphanage in Uganda in February saying I could come for the entire summer, and while that was a very exciting opportunity it just was not realistic with our class schedule so I asked them if I could come December 2013. They said that was likely and to contact them in May, so I did and we had decent communication (I mean they are in Uganda they don't get email updates on their phones) until I turned in my application, then I did not hear from them for nearly 2 months. I was getting pretty antsy about not hearing from them, but I felt like God telling me to let it go and to be thankful for the time I would get to spend with my family. So I did, I completely let it go and told God I was on his time table not mine. That I would continue to obey the commands of His word but open and closed doors were up to him. I had started making plans to go to Costa Rica with a friend for thanksgiving break and going home for Christmas. We had found a couple of deals from Groupon and were going to book it when I got back from Arkansas.
But the day before I left for Arkansas I woke up early to do my devotional on the beach (I know I have a rough life) and started to read a book on the Gospel of Luke and the author was talking about how when Jesus came he said that the Kingdom was for the poor (because at that time all wealthy people were dishonest) and the sinners (that part still stands). He talked about going to the poor and about the blessings of the poor, I really did not give much thought about Uganda when reading it. As I was packing all my stuff up I looked at my phone and I had an email, and to be quite honest I did not recognize who it was from but I opened it and realized it was from GSF orphanage in Uganda. When I first realized what it was saying I was like "no, its too late I have made other plans." So I sat back down and just had a little convo with God that went something like this....
Me: "ok God you said it was not going to happen"
God: "no I said I didn't want you to focus on it and making it happen"
"and that different?"
"yes"
"how"
"well now its me that made it happen, just when you let me take it I got to work it out for the best of all who love me"
"so you actually want me to go?"
"yep"
"but I have started making other plans, and I told my mom I was probably coming home for Christmas and those three weeks, and I was going to get to spend time with my Brothers and Ryan's family, maybe we can arrange this for another time"
"you don't HAVE to go"
"but you want me to"
"yep, I know this is what is best for you and what you and I are walking through right now"
"so why couldn't I just know like a week ago before I started making other plans"
"this disciple thing you signed up for in not always easy, it's not always convenient, it's not always ideal, but I think you would agree my track record for it is perfect" (insert more listening here)
"ok, I get it, I am going. This is crazy but I am going. One step at a time right?"
"Always"

Now don't think that I now feel like I have to, don't think I have been guilted into taking this trip. This is a trip I have been desiring to go on for years now, and I am so excited to go. But I think there is always that bit of selfishness that will run through me as I realize what being a missionary is going to cost me. I think just last night I realized that I will not really have a relationship with any of my brothers kids, and that really does kill me. I want to be in both places, I want to spend time with my family at Christmas, I want to go hike and zipline in Costa Rica, and I want to go to the ends of the World as a disciple of Jesus Christ. None of these are sining, but I know, because of the desires of my heart, which one will truly satisfy, and I CHOOSE that one. And so now I am sooo EXCITED to go. I am excited for the challenge, for the unknown, and for experiencing God in a brand new way.

Holding His hand... Not a dream

I am pretty open about what I have felt called by God to do with my life... work with orphans. When I see others that have the opportunity to be living out my dreams in ways I can not imagine I get very excited and impatient to be in their shoes. I do not think it is a bad thing to long for the promises of God, but I think my longing became obsession or even idolatry for the destination of being a missionary. I have for the last year or two been living in expectation for the future and not at all content in the present. I made a step coming back from Haiti of trusting and accepting that this is where God wants me, but I did find joy in where I am. 

I am currently doing a Beth Moore Bible Study called Breaking Free and she refers to Isaiah 44:20 where it says "...he cannot save himself, or say,'Is not this thing in my right hand a lie?'" It just hit me, I was not content with Jesus, I was sold on his promises. I was holding so tightly to this promise that I was blind to the fact that the enemy had fed me a lie. I have prided myself on not wanting or longing for the things of this world... money, husband, safety, ect but instead I search for satisfaction from a destination, a work I felt called to do. But it looks good to want to go to the orphans and care for them, it followed one of the commandments (James 1:26-27). The thing is I so often yearn for this to satisfy, forgetting that without loving my Savior with everything knowing that only He can satisfy it will always be empty (1 Corinthians 13). 

I don't feel this changes my heart for the orphan, that is genuinely from God, but it does change my ability to be satisfied in him even before that day comes. It frees me to enjoy the journey here, with the people I am surrounded by, and the blessings I have. It frees me to trust him with every step, and not to be anxious about the timing and that there will not be enough. It frees me to take a deep breath and to enjoy his presence and goodness where I am now, and not the goodness of where others are. God is unique, He made each of us unique, I am unable to enjoy the goodness God has planned for another and no one is able to experience the goodness He has declared mine. I get to bask in His Glory as I watch each piece come together. 

For the past 3 days my desire to be in the mission field hit another all time high, I spent 15-20 hours searching for different mission opportunities. Places to go this Christmas, places to go for spring break, places to go for my final internship for PT school, places to go after I finished school, places to train. Planning, deciding how I was going to make it to the destination, to be a full time missionary. Don't get me wrong, I don't think the longing, the anticipation is bad. I don't think God would have made promises to the Israelites if he did not want them to be in anticipation. It causes us to live different, knowing that we have a higher purpose than that of today. Where it became sinful is when I decided that the destination was a greater reward than the day to day relationship I got to experience with Jesus Christ through the Holy Spirit. I went terribly wrong when I decided that I thought I could figure out how to do God's job of preparing the next step. 

It is HARD! I think planning is a good and wise thing (Proverbs 16:9). But I knew I was going too far this time. Preparing is the Lords, and only causes anxious thoughts, questioning, and disbelief when we decide to do it ourselves. When we prepare we look at the promises from God and try to figure out how to make it happen. 

Just remember that what God has called each of us to do is IMPOSSIBLE without him. My preparation just causes concern, because it does not make sense. There is no solid logic. It is awesomely, crazily, impossible... and that is why it is so exciting.  It leads us to anticipate His glory. I pray that I can see exactly where I am to insert my abilities into God's big production instead of trying to hurry it along to achieve the next "step" in the plan. 

Rachel 

Missions: Reflections from Haiti

Sorry that this has taken so long... Being in grad school, when I got back I had little to no time to digest my mission trip, much less try to explain it to others. This week I think I have finally began to come out of the shock phase and begin to just meditate on what I am suppose to do with this experience I was able to have. He still has not provided the master plan, and for that I am thankful. I think if I knew what was expected from me if I follow his every step I would run in the opposite direction. The founders of Mission of Hope Haiti (MOH) were actually at the mission the week I was there, which is rare as they live in Florida. But at the end of the week we had the chance to here from Brad (one of the founders) and someone asked him what led him to take a leap of faith (in moving to Haiti years ago with his wife). He responded with something to the effect of he never took a leap of faith, God doesn't ask us to take a leap of faith, but rather to take one step each time he takes one step. That was a revelation for me, we are not defined by our leaps of faith, but rather by our steps of faith. As we grow and mature in our walk with Christ these steps become larger, much like as we grow physically. When you compare the step of a 3 year old child to a 25 year old man the mans steps will be much larger, and may even look like "leaps" to the 3 year old child in comparison. We are not created to compare our steps of faith to the steps of faith of others. If Brad were to compare himself to me, he may believe that he "leaped"and may then think he should take smaller steps, that he should not be such a "crazy" Christian. If I compare myself to Brad, I may say that I don't "leap" enough for Christ. Instead I think God ask us each to listen for his "still, small voice" and to take the next step that he has created and walked before us.
So as you read this blog please don't compare yourself or your experiences to the people or experiences in this blog. Also please do not compare the Haitians with the Americans. We are all human flesh, we are all saved only by the blood of Jesus Christ, each community has it's strengths and weaknesses. What we must remember is that Christ is coming back for ONE bride. When he comes back for his Bride he is not speaking of Fellowship Bible Church or Calvary Chapel Fort Lauderdale or Mission of Hope church or the churches of the "bible belt" or the churches of Titanyen, or the churches of America, or the churches of Haiti, or any other group of churches. He is coming back for ONE body of believers, that have faith in His name and His power. So I beg you, as you read this realize that every story, every person, every culture makes up a part of the UGLY yet perfectly BEAUTIFUL Bride of our Savior and Redeemer and the one that Reigns over all. Its an absolutely amazing thing to realize that the Haitians need the American church, but the Americans need the Haitian Church. I am sure if I get to experience church in another country I will have the same opinion... both the Haitians and Americans will need them and vise versa.

I am just going to go through a bit of the day by day activities, so if you don't care skip on down a little bit...
Saturday: I got there around 2:30, and just as they warned the airport was CRAZY! I got asked to have my bag carried at least 50 times. I pointed to my arm muscles and said "no mercy" or "no thank you," most of them laughed, but others were not impressed and walked off. After that I found the driver let me tell you this... I never thought the driving could get any crazier than south florida... I WAS WRONG!!! It can not be explained, and I do not understand the rules of the road, so I am not even going to try. I tried to find a youtube video to explain, but it did not work. Here is what I know... a honk means "hey, I am going to pass you and make this two lane road into a three lane road so it would be best for all of us if you would kindly get as far over a possible." (ok that may not be what it actually means, but that is what it looked like to me) I know there are rules of the road, and they are just different from our here in America. By the 3rd day I was use to it, but the drive to the mission the first day, Ill say I was a little scared.
Sunday: We woke up and took a tour of the MOH campus ending at the sunday morning church service. After that we ate lunch and headed off to one of the villages and the campus they are currently working on. Finally we got to go to a restaurant, (GPP- I kinda know how to say the real name, but have NO idea how to spell it so I am not going to try... if anyone knows let me know) where we got some really great chicken, and my favorite haitian food... a pickled slaw. While we were there I got to meat my first Haitian translator, and he was definitely the entertainment for the night. He has a future in stand up comedy. :) Here is an excerpt from my journal that night

I feel at home. Not home surrounded by the people I know, or the language i know, or the comforts I take advantage of, but rather by the embrace of God. Knowing this is exactly where he wants me to be. Knowing that He loves all of his creation. Looking out from the roof seeing the lush mountains and the sea, but also the valley's and the desert. He made all things beautiful, and here in Haiti he wants his presence to be known just by his creation, from the landscape to his people of Haiti. It is all beautiful. 

He has destined his people to "work his garden" of Haiti, just as he created Adam to work his garden in Genesis. I want to "work" his garden all over the world. I want to be so dirty that you can't even tell it is dirt, I want to sweet perfusly and be in good company, I want to put on all the bug spray I can and still get eaten alive by mosquitoes, I want to pick up a little boy and just hold him close and pray for him, knowing that is all I can do. And that is enough, because his Creator loves him as much as my Creator loves me. I want to hear the small voice of God as he directs my steps, and in the end I want to be a woman that knows Jesus and is known by Jesus.

 I want to stand before him and hear "well done." That is all. 

Monday: This was our first day in the village, and not going to lie... it was a bit awkward. For those of you that know me.. evangelism... not my thing. I'm not exactly proud of that, it is just the truth, and I think it is funny that it is the first international mission trip I went on. My idea of a mission trip is service and orphans... not evangelism. But God obviously had something to say about that, something like "Hey Rachel, if you want to bring my name into the nations and show them the love of Christ you are going to have to talk to them about me at some point.. and it's better to do it sooner than later." Due to the language barrier in Haiti, we partnered up with some awesome translators... mine (and my group of 7-8 others) were Marc and Amos, although Marc really did most of the translating. We got to talk to many families that day and play with a bunch of kids, but my favorite part of the whole trip was getting to know all the translators.. Olsen, Marc, Amos, Williamson, and Emmanuel. I got to know some more than others, but each one of them made an impact on my life, and some continue to as I get to know them on Facebook. It was just so awesome to see guys that are just a couple years younger/older with a heart to learn, serve, and lead the communities that surround them. They are men of God, none of them perfect, but all of them understand the importance of their relationship with the living God. Monday afternoon we arrived in Titanyen and Amos gave these instructions (well it was something like this) "alright, we are going to walk through the village and [because you are white] kids will follow. Tell them to come, we are going to play soccer and do an activity with them." So we did just that, we walked through and picked up a bunch of kids and took them to play games. I tried to play soccer for about 7 minutes and realized that the 8 year old children were far more elite than I was and decided that tag was probably more my game. We then all proceeded to a small HOT building where we danced and jumped and colored pictures with kids full of laughter and giggles and mischief. We then packed into the school bus and went back to the MOH campus. At that point each night we were free, just had dinner in the evening. Typically I would go to the baby room to relax for a bit and just hold the little ones, then head up to the playground to run around with the kids that lived on the MOH campus. Some of them are orphans, others are more along the lines of foster kids who's parents are still in their life, just are not currently in the position to care for the physical needs of the children. 

Tuesday: I promise this is going to go quicker! On tuesday we got the opportunity to paint two houses (one morning, one afternoon) and by the end everyone was COVERED in paint. The best part of that day was the water/paint fight we got in while a few of us were cleaning brushes. That night we got to go to a worship service, let me say this... In heaven you will find me in the haitian click for the Worship service. They don't sing praises to the Lord, the sing, dance, shout, whistle, and fist pump praises to the Lord. The end of the service was an all out DANCE party with mosh pit and congo line. The kids run around to whoever wants to put them on  their shoulders or give them a piggy back ride. This was the night that made me really excited for Heaven more than any other night in my life. That is our eternity.. singing Holy Holy Holy with all the nations, tribes, and tongues, I am just glad it is going to be that long so I can see how each person worships. 

Wednesday: We did the same thing on wednesday as we did on monday in the morning.  During lunch I got the opportunity to go down to see and work with the man that runs the prosthetics clinic. It was so cool to see all the equipment and even better to see the individuals that had received and were training to walk with their new prosthetics. It gave me a taste as to why God wanted me to continue my education to PT school. That afternoon we were suppose to go back to Titanyen to build kites with the kids (an easter tradition in Haiti), but were unable to go due to safety issues. We ended up at a random (because there was a miscommunication in how to get where we were suppose to go) village called Kanadi that popped up following the Earthquake in 2010. They were not use to the white people there, so the adults were very hesitant, but the kids were extremely fascinated. We ended up with at least 100 kids playing soccer, jumprope, playground games, and flying kites.  

Thursday: We went to a different village again because it was unsafe to return to Titanyen. When we got there the translators got mangos.... I am OBSESSED with Mangos. Williamson gave me a mango, which made my day! It is so fun to just get to know them as guys, to forget where they come from and how different we are "suppose" to be and to just be their friend and sister in Christ. We did a work project in the morning then played soccer and games with the kids around the village. 

Friday: We got to go to a BEAUTIFUL beach called Wahoo Bay beach with the entire team and translators as well as one other team. We played some marco polo, beach volleyball, and just chilled in the ocean. We again got to eat the wonderful Haitian chicken and cole slaw as I have deemed it (which I think I found a recipe for... just have to find the time to make it. After coming back we got to watch a video and debrief with the founder of the mission, which was super cool since he is usually stateside. 

Saturday: Because I am conveniently located in Ft. Lauderdale, my flight out of Haiti was not until the evening, so I got to spend the morning in the village with a different team. I even got to bring a personal translator with me, Amos. Ok well he was not actually a personal translator for me, but I did get to talk to him and get to know him a lot more that day. We rode to the village and to the airport with the same group and since we did not know the others we just stuck close. It was a good time and when he got off in Port-au-prince I started crying, because at that moment I realized it was all over. I realized that there is a good chance I will not see most of the people I got to meet and know on that trip until eternity. I realized that I had to go back to a life of abundance, where it is so easy to forget the pivotal role the Lord has in provided for every need. I realized it meant I know had to go back to the mundane routine of school, when it is not where I want to be. 

BUT... during and after that trip God spoke so clearly to me. My expectations for the trip were to see the kids, fall in love and never want to return to America. I did fall in love with the precious children, but God spoke to me about something much different. The young men that made that trip absolutely unforgettable where the translators. The two translators I got to know the best while there (Amos and Marc) both wanted to go to college, but were currently unable to attend. They had graduated high school (only 1% of Haitians do that) and had the grades and knowledge to continue, but couldn't. For the year leading up to my mission trip I had been very open and honest about my frustration of feeling like God really wanted me to do the PT school thing. I didn't want to, I feel a very strong calling to work with orphans, and did not understand how physical therapy was going to help anything. It was only going to take two years away for college and add debt into the situation. Needless to say, I was bitter. I didn't understand why the one person that really did not want to go to grad school, was the one that had to. While I was there these young men and the opportunities to work with the disabled spoke so powerfully to me the blessing and opportunity I had to be educated to the level I will be. I am not going to say I am completely content with where I am, but I did promise God that I would honor His blessing by working with all I had and not questioning His plan (well this aspect). I use to look and try to convince myself that school was the wrong thing, but now I the only way I am dropping out is if I fail. I am so thankful and blessed by the trip and the MOH staff and interns that made it possible. I miss it terribly, and I am sorry it took me so long to publish the post. You all are special to me and please feel free to contact me to ask more questions or just to hear other stories. 

Mercy Senya "Thank you Lord"

With Love

Rachel 

Here is the video I made following my trip

Haiti Trip March 2013

MISSIONS: Headed to Haiti!!

Two years ago I had planned on going to Haiti, and had just about everything figured out, but it got cancelled due to problems in Haiti. (The US said it was unsafe to travel) During my freshman year here in Florida the country of Haiti suffered a major earthquake, and I got to see how the Haitian culture here in South Florida reacted to it. It was so sad to watch students who had lost loved ones, friends, or the houses they grew up in go through the grief process. After the earthquake I got to go to a candle light service that the on campus Haitian club put on, during the service they did a group prayer and listening to the students cry out to God in both english and creole was pretty intense and awesome. They had real, raw emotion. Some were angry, some were confused, some were in shock, and some were just trusting God's plan. I couldn't understand any of them, but as they were praying I was praying as well. Asking God to give me empathy, asking God what I could do, and asking Him to give me a heart for these people and their pain. Since then that candle light vigil has been ingrained in my mind and their pain ingrained in my heart.
This spring break, I finally get to go. I am going through a organization called Mission of Hope Haiti, I heard about it from Brian Pope one of my youth pastors. Growing up our church encouraged mission trips, and after being on a couple I figured out how little we do and how much God does in our lives while surrendering our time and funds to love his people. It is an addictive high, and I think it should be. When I give of myself physically, financially, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally for the purpose of going to those that need love I think God provides a joy that in incomparable. It gives us that "high" that can't be explained by science, it can't be explained by someone that is not filled with the spirit of Christ. They think it is fake, they think it is a phase, and my mistake is I let it be. Instead of coming back and serving my friends, family, professors, and even the driver that is going way too slaw for the fast lane as another one of God's creation that he has called me to love I come back, say I have done MY good for a while... now I can just care about MYSELF. And then the high goes away, because I have hidden the expression of Gods love. I let MY busy schedule, MY selfish desires, and MY tiredness, interfere with God's love for those around me that need it the most.
Don't get me wrong, I am STOKED to go on this trip, I am STOKED to help out in anyway I can and to finally be immersed in the culture my heart and Spirit have been connected to for the past 2 years, but I know there is so much more God wants to teach me and show me during my time in Haiti. I don't know exactly what I expect while I am in Haiti, but while I am there completely out of my comfort zone, I am hoping that He will just refresh and cleanse my Spirit from all of the cultural filters I have put on who He is and what He can do. I am guilty of putting him in an Americanized, humanized box and not expecting anything bigger. Sure I pray for bigger things, but I guess I don't really think he can do it. I mean sometimes it happens, and thats cool, but if I was honest many of my prayers are faithless. Right now I am just focusing on Hebrews 11:6// And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him// and James 1:6// But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.// In these weeks leading up to Haiti I am pressing into and pleading with God to help me with my faith in who he is, what he has done, and what he has/is doing in my life right now.
 Here are some of the things I am praying for, if anybody has some ideas to add just put them in the comments
1) To be completely exhausted of who I am so I can experience complete reliance on who He is
2) To be stretch to do things I am not comfortable with
              2b) for him to prepare me spiritually to do these things
3) To observe/be a blessing for others who get to live a life of daily dependence upon God's provision
4) To see a God of Eph. 3:20// A God who is able to to immeasurably more than all I could ask or imagine.