Sunsets

I get a lot of eye rolls for my love of sunsets. For a girl that breaks just about every "girly" stereotype... I LOVE sunsets. Yes they are beautiful... but they are so much more than that. They are constant. They are always the same and yet different each day depending on where you see them from. I have seen sunsets in Arkansas from a big field that makes the sun look HUGE, on the lake with a beautiful reflection, in the mountains of colorado as it blinds me on the snow, from a rooftop parking garage in college and rooftop pavilion in Haiti, I have watched the sunset behind the smoke of wild fires in California and Oregon, on a long trek in New Zealand, temples in Thailand and Japan, and of course my personal favorite from the beaches of Haiti as it dances across the waves and sets behind the clouds of that days rain. Every single day the sun does the same thing... it does not change, it does not get smaller, larger, or brighter. And yet everyday it looks different.



As I enter into this season of life of missions I need these sunsets. When I tell people I am live in Haiti they immediately ask about safety, electricity, and other daily inconveniences. That is not the hard part. The hard part is the loneliness. I LOVE Haiti and I am so excited for what God has called me to do here... I am so thankful that I have never known the daily struggle of mental health disorders, but I have felt myself tip that way in my longer stints in Haiti. This starts to scare me... so I try to make myself busier, but that does not fix it... and it does not make my ministry more effective. As I process my trip in February I realize that the Lord was working and teaching me to embrace the loneliness and grieve that. He was asking me to realize that another country, culture, economy, and people is a beautiful thing, but that it creates a loneliness that very few other people understand. They don't understand my frustrations, they don't see the tears over the unfairness of life, and I can't ever really express that. I can't tell you all how I feel about so many things because it makes me appear jaded and prideful and hypocritical. I am all of those things, but that is not my heart behind my tears and frustrations. I know that is how it comes off because that is how it came off to me. How does this relate to sun sets? Stick with me I am getting there.

As sadness or joy, frustration or victories come I often crave to see a sunset. It is where I sit with the Lord and tell Him these things. I am reminded that the Son is like the sun. He is not moving or changing. He is the same at all times... but our heart, our culture, our circumstances change our view of him. He is there behind the stormy clouds of sickness and death and of how beautiful is a sunset just after the storm. He peaks through the clouds of loneliness, depression, defeat, guilt, and grief. He dances on the waters as we take a break to just sit with him in the sand or on a boat. He is BRIGHT as we watch Him from the highest mountain on a clear day of victories, celebration, and joy. He is there... and I have to remind myself that every light I see is because the Son in there. If I am in a valley with dark storm clouds the sun is still there and so is my God. I love that when the Son was crucified the Bible speaks of the earth going dark... that God hid the sun because He knew the LIGHT was hidden for a while as he went into war against SIN AND DEATH. Oh but we are so thankful that the victory was won and we no longer have to fear darkness because the Son is always there... even when we can not see Him.

So as I sit here watching my first sunset with Haiti as my primary residence I just take some time to sit with Him and talk to Him through my hopes, expectations, fears, and insecurities in this new life. I pray that I would appreciate the grace given to me as I navigate this new adventure and pray that my naive spirit would be diminished and my mistakes forgotten. I pray that His spirit and love is what people experience and remember, because I know I am not perfect... but I pray that He would choose to reflect His light off me to show others another "view" of himself. Please pray WITH me that I would sit with Him often enough and long enough to only do what He has called me to do here. Also I ask that you pray FOR me that I would either meet others that I can connect with during this transition and/or experience His love and completeness in a way that overcomes my loneliness and insecurities.

^Live Foolishly
Rachel