There are a few events in life that don't quite seem real until they have happened and even then it does not quite settle in for a while. That is how this whole process of moving to France/Haiti has felt to me. I knew it was going to happen, but I didn't really believe it. It interesting really, I think what has changed has been my heart to learn another language. I truly believe it is an answered prayer as well.
I'm a nerd. There is no getting around that and I take no offense to it. I never really cheated in school, especially not on test. There was two reasons for this 1) I wanted to see if I learned the material 2) I am a nerd and I was quite certain no one else knew the material better than I did. It is also a major distraction to attempt to cheat during a test in my opinion. There is one exception to this no cheating thing... yep my foreign language class. My high school required 2 years of it and I decided Spanish because it's the most common language in America and I was NEVER living anywhere but America. But I had no care to learn high school level one or two Spanish, and both of my teachers made it quite easy to cheat. So I did. I am not proud of this, I don't think it is okay in hindsight, I am just letting you know my total ignorance and apathy to knowing a second language. I am writing this blog because I ham excited about (hopefully) understanding French and Creole in the future and wishing that I could be fluent in more languages.
I think for me this is also confirmation that the Lord is preparing me to learn. I believe moving to Haiti is something He is asking me to do and so I believe that as I ask him to give me the ability to learn he will. This is not how I have felt until very recently. The thought of learning another language has been VERY scary to me.... Did I mention I am a nerd. Well another character flaw that comes with that for me is pride. I don't fail with scholastic things. I love chemistry and physics and math because I can understand ideas and solve problems that is VERY difficult for the majority of the population. English though.... Right now I have 14 red squiggly (make that 15) lines because I don't understand the simple spelling and grammatical rules of my first and only language. 26 years has not been enough practice, the thought of trying to learn another language in one, or two, or three years is impossible to me. That is why my biggest prayer in this preparation phase has nothing to do with money, or safety, or logistics, or (insert everyones concerns here)... it is my ability to communicate with the people He has asked me to serve. In order to communicate the most important things I must speak a language they can understand, but he is reminding me that He loves them more... He loves me more. He is providing what I need. He is working the impossible to demonstrate His power through me. I just have to continue to answer "Here am I, send me." These are the sobering lessons, the lessons that break my pride and remind me that it is not about what I can do for the people of Haiti, but what God wants to do for me, my heart, the people of Haiti, and their hearts. He is not asking me to fix Haiti, he is asking me to do what he has asked me to do for the last 20 years... love God, love others. He has just asked me to do that in Haiti for a time. He is asking me to continue to trust the Peace He provides in every surreal transition in life. And that is what I will do... I will adventure with Him where ever He ask me to go, with what ever He ask me to do because He has proven His love for me first and so I love Him.
^ Live Foolishly
Rachel
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